When I began writing this, on the afternoon of May 21, 2011, the time was fast approaching when Harold Camping predicted that the world would end—or at least be badly damaged—in a horrible earthquake.
Well, the world hasn’t ended yet, but many (including Camping and of his followers) believe the rapture is yet to come, according to Camping on October 21, 2011, when the 200,000 or so of those whom God loves and deems worthy will be swept up into the heavens to live forever in celestial bliss with Jesus and all the angels, saints, prophets, and social conservatives, while the rest of us will have to stay here and deal with feelings of inadequacy and rejection, not to mention severe damage from earthquakes, floods, and/or fires.
Having spent much of my life dealing with my own feelings of inadequacy and rejection—not to mention earthquakes, floods and fires—I will tell you that feeling worthless and unwanted are far worse than any natural disaster. Accordingly, I offer my fellow earthlings the following tips for coping with the stigma of being “left behind.” (Notice how the phrase “left behind”—which is also the title of a popular series of Christian books—contains the word “left,” which is, I am sure, a subliminal dig at liberals. Also, if you consider that “behind” can also mean “butt” or “ass,” well… “left behind” does kind of mean “liberal butthole,” doesn’t it?)
Here, then, are ways you can prop up what’s left of your self-esteem after God decides that you are too liberal — or too something — to be raptured:
1) Remember that, even though many believe God is “all that,” you’re quite a piece of work yourself. Even if God doesn’t love you, you can love yourself, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, healthy self-esteem does not depend on the approval of others, even God.
2) If there are any books left after the world is destroyed, or nearly destroyed, by the apocalypse—or, even better, if we still have Wikipedia—check out the history of the human race and realize that throughout history, there has been an almost infinite variety of gods, Gods, and goddesses. (Why don’t they spell “goddess” with a capital “G”?) The “God” who just destroyed (or nearly destroyed) the world is just one of many gods that has ruled the world, or at least our imaginations, since the beginning of human history. If He doesn’t love us, then surely one of those other gods or goddesses will.
3) Know that—even though I’m not God, and can’t even come close to His level of creative or destructive power—I love you for reading this blog.
(The last photos is by me. It’s supposed to look kind of apocalyps-y.)